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THE CADRE

Covers the Island Like the Tourists

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Humour

Two Chimpanzees Fired After Botching Storm Closure

By: Nathan Hood CHARLOTTETOWN - Two chimpanzees have been fired by UPEI after it received criticism for its delayed decision to close the university on January 23rd, The Cadre has learned. The chimpanzees were brought in from the Atlantic Veterinary... Continue Reading →

Coalition Applauds Inclusion of People Named Robert in Cabinet

By: Nathan Hood CHARLOTTETOWN - The PEI Coalition for Roberts in Government is happy with the province’s continued inclusion of people named Robert in cabinet. “We are thrilled to see government recognize the unique perspectives and value provided by people... Continue Reading →

Internet withdrawal

Once upon a time, in a land not that far away was a household of students with a perfect internet connection. The end. Well, not really. This story has a darker ending. I clearly recall squinting hard in the bright... Continue Reading →

Trump Contemplates Ending Annual Turkey Pardon: Report

WASHINGTON - United States President and noted respecter of the law Donald Trump is ruffling feathers in the White House, where he is contemplating the end of the annual turkey pardon according to a source close to the situation. The... Continue Reading →

The Five Degrees of Meme Admiration

Memes. Maymays. If you’ve come within fifty feet of the internet in the past ten years, you’re familiar with them, whether you know it or not. They saturate our news feeds with seemingly random images and videos that, when paired... Continue Reading →

This Was The Moment Pitbull Truly Became President

After numerous failed attempts at overhauling the healthcare system that has drawn the ire of advocacy groups and celebrities alike, it’s clear why the American people have lost faith in the federal government. However, it appears that the executive branch... Continue Reading →

Stephen Harper Increasingly Nervous As Conservatives Fail to Notice Disguise

AFP PHOTO / BEN STANSALL   OTTAWA - Stephen Harper has become increasingly nervous as conservatives continually fail to recognize that he is still the leader of the Conservative Party of Canada, according to sources close to the situation. The... Continue Reading →

A Procrastinator’s Guide to Saving Time

Before I even get started here, I’d just like you to lower your expectations. If you’re looking for a researched-based guide to saving time, written by someone who actually has their life together and possesses effective time management skills, you’re... Continue Reading →

Who Are You Living With?

Most University students end up living with a roommate at one point or another... Maybe it’s in residence, maybe it’s in an apartment, maybe you’ve known the person for years, may you met them the day you arrived at your dorm.... Continue Reading →

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