Education minister says UPEI ‘one of the best universities’ in the province. Is it?

By: The Cadre Editorial Board

Earlier this week, Education minister Jordan Brown said the University of Prince Edward Island has become “one of the best universities in P.E.I.,” under the leadership of former UPEI President and current Liberal Leader Wade MacLauchlan. (Original photo by Shelley Ebbett, rudimentary edits by Allison O’Brien)

It was a good time of tunes and political bolstering earlier this week at the nomination of Liberal Party candidate Richard Brown, only to be capped off with Liberal Leader Wade MacLauchlan dropping the writ and calling an early spring election for April 23.

However, before signs went up and the Island slipped into an election frenzy, education minister Jordan Brown took the stage to list the accomplishments of the Liberal Leader and one-time President of UPEI.

Brown attended UPEI when MacLauchlan was president of the university.  Under MacLauchlan he said UPEI doubled in size, and is now “one of the best universities in P.E.I.”

The Cadre has decided it is time to see how UPEI stacks up against all the other accredited universities province-wide. It was a long list and we narrowed it down, omitting Holland College so there is absolutely no confusion.

We looked at the top universities across the Island and compared them to the oddly named University of Prince Edward Island because it is for sure not the Island’s only university.

Tignish Corner University (TCU)

Located, you know, near that famous corner in Tignish. It is an impressive university for a town of approximately 800. With low admission rates for locals, TCU also offers free rubber boots upon admission.

Don’t worry, the school will happily work around lobster season so you can hop on the boat and make some quick cash with dad. We get it, it’s hard making a living, but at least the education is good.

Students who choose to participate in the lobster season receive extra credit and can boost their grades based on yield.

International students might be worried about fitting into such a small tight knit community, but there are amazing things for students in the area to take advantage of. The gem of the town has to be The St. Simon & St. Jude church, which contains one of the first Tracker pipe organs in North America. There are 1,118 pipes in all, ranging in heights of 16 feet to 3 inches!

While UPEI does offer summer courses, it doesn’t allow people to work in an important Island industry like the fishery and still maintain the time to get a degree. Plus, rubber boots would be pretty handy this time of year. Do you park at Superstore and walk up to the university too?

New Acadia University (NAU)

New Acadia is a symbolic name for the university which serves the Island’s east end. There is likely a connection to Acadians, many of which were wrongly expelled from the Island.

Don’t confuse the university with that lame Nova Scotia school Acadia. If it is new it is automatically better. You aren’t still rocking that iPhone 5 are you?

NAU is located in the ‘middle of nowhere’ and offers courses by carrier pigeon because internet hasn’t reached that part of the Island yet. No one knows where the actual campus is located, but it serves all major communities in the area such as Morell, Elmira, Mount Stewart and Souris. Admission is cheap, and the university prefers cash in an envelope tucked under a green rock in Belfast.

Most of the courses are oriented towards farming and using hands-on non-mechanical tools. That is why those who end up needing extra marks for credit can swing out to Dundas for the annual plowing match. If they place in the top five they can write a letter to the dean to plead their case.

UPEI has some great events, but beach blast isn’t cutting it anymore. Let’s fill the student centre with some high grade red Island soil and plow that stuff up! It would do a lot for student morale this time of year.

Fixed Link University of Borden-Carleton (FLUBC)

Sure, FLUBC sounds like it is a pro-vaccination group based out of British Columbia but in fact it is the number one university for students from across Canada to attend on P.E.I. It’s so close to the Confederation Bridge you can always feel connected to the mainland.

The university offers subsidies for students traveling back home to New Brunswick and Nova Scotia each weekend. If you play your cards right throughout the year and carpool a few times to get to family gatherings like Easter dinner, you can actually come out on top.

With a $500 rebate in tuition for off-Island students to pay the $47.75 to travel home though the school year, if you make only ten trips you pocket .25 cents from the university… suckers.

UPEI doesn’t have the same plan for students. Sure it has the infrastructure and programs, but helping with travel costs really makes FLUBC stand out among the rest of the fully legitimate P.E.I universities.

In conclusion, there is a lot of competition for UPEI out there. It’s hard to say it’s the best in such a long list of highly accredited and absolutely 100 percent real educational institutions, but one thing is for sure…

P.E.I. is studying. Let’s keep studying!

This article is part of The Cadre’s humour section.