By: Uzoamaka Okafor
Growing up, I had always been excited about being an adult, being free, doing my own thing, no one telling me what to do, and just living life the way I wanted. As my graduation day approaches, I am overwhelmed on what the next step will be. It is amazing that despite my eagerness to grow, I am terrified of growing.
My fear might seem irrational to others but it is mine, and something I have to go through. I hate worrying about things I can’t control and so I keep it at the back of mind. As my friends grow more excited about it, I feel my apprehension crawling. My friends don’t understand it and believe that I should be excited about leaving the bondage, what I see as the security, of education.
From middle school to university you are given a somewhat broad but limited choice on what you have to do. You are given a minimum and maximum amount of courses to take and told the when to go to school and when to be done. The library and other buildings are open for a certain period of time. I have grown used to this and now enjoy being given this “broad-limited” choice.
Graduating forces me to come to terms with the idea of being on my own. It makes me feel somewhat lonely, as I will no longer be surrounded by what I have considered my reality for the past 10 years. I am almost tempted to have graduate degrees despite having no care for them.
As I look into my future, I see myself writing millions of resumés, hoping I get into a good company, and getting into the cycle of being told what to do. My biggest fear is the pressure from friends and family during the period after graduation, regarding getting a job worthy of bragging.
Whenever I think of graduating and my apprehension on it, I imagine myself as a young child learning to ride a bike. The child is excited about riding because a parent is holding on to him or her. When left to ride alone, the child goes through the fear of crashing or being unable to ride well. This is how I see my graduation, the reins being taken off and having to ride despite the possibility of crashing. Like the child, I am aware of the fact that I will become capable of riding on my own, yet am crippled with fear at this moment.
Despite my fears, life must go on, it is an ever flowing stream of hardship, happiness, and growth. What it isn’t, is a movie that can be paused when one needs a break. In life, we aren’t always surrounded by what we like or love but are given the strength to overcome them despite our lack awareness on the magnitude of our strength.
In the end, I look forward to my graduation with nervous anticipation.
photo by: Urgent Homework Help