By: Bethany Koughan
This article was first published on the fourteenth of February, 2013.
The New York Times published an article last month proclaiming â€œthe end of courtshipâ€.Â While the article may be trite, it has since been heavilyÂ reposted – enough to indicate a great interest in the topic.
The article explains thatÂ traditional dating has evolved into â€œhanging out,â€ a more casual, commitment-free affair;Â and that the term â€œdatingâ€ is so outdated that it â€œshould almost be stricken from theÂ dictionaryâ€.
â€œTraditional courtship â€” picking up the telephone and asking someone on a date â€”Â required courage, strategic planning and a considerable investment of ego (byÂ telephone, rejection stings). Not so with texting, e-mail, Twitterâ€¦ it removes much of theÂ need for charmâ€.
The article suggests that rather â€œÊ»hookup cultureÊ¼ characterized by spontaneous,Â commitment-free (and often, alcohol-fueled) romantic flingsâ€ is the norm among youngÂ people, and that most students today havenÊ¼t been on a â€œtraditional date.â€
In light of the article, and in the spirit of Valentineâ€™s Day, The Cadre decided to reach out to some fun, fearless, females to find out, is traditionalÂ dating dead?
Here are some of the highlights:
All girls interviewed (on condition of anonymity) agreed that â€œhookup cultureâ€ has indeedÂ had an impact on modern romance. In general, the consensus is that it depends onÂ what youÊ¼re looking for; commitment-free intimacy can be great â€œif thatÊ¼s what you want.â€
– â€œThe idea of romance is itself typically romanticizedâ€¦ nowadays, you get drunk, hookup,Â and either never see each other again, or keep hooking up until physical intimacyÂ tricks you into falling for that person. Whereâ€™s the romance in that?â€
– â€œYou might go home with a guy one weekend because youÊ¼re feeling fun, and then theÂ next weekend you might say Ê»IÊ¼m not that kind of girlÊ¼, so perhaps women are justÂ confusing themselves with who they are and what their actual standards are.â€
Of the eight ladies interviewed, each claimed to have had only 2-4 â€œtraditionalâ€ dates inÂ their lifetime.
– â€œAs Jessa from girls said, Ê»dates are for lesbiansÊ¼â€¦ I think by that she means they don’tÂ exist for straight girls anymore. Like, does anyone go on serious dates anymore, outsideÂ of relationships?â€
– â€œDate? Whatâ€™s a date?â€
So, is contemporary Ê»datingÊ¼ too casual? Not necessarily.
As a generation weÊ¼re not in a hurry to settle down. Many of us seek alternative orÂ higher forms of education, and fewer are into â€œmarrying highschool sweethearts.â€
The girls agreed unanimously that texting is terrible for dating. Emotion simply does notÂ transfer electronically, no matter how many emojis you throw in. Decoding textÂ messages can drive someone crazy, especially when you donÊ¼t get the instant replyÂ youÊ¼re hoping for.
Said one gal: instant messaging may be ruining our social skills, but at least â€œit allowsÂ people to be a little more forward, a little less shyâ€¦we have all these outlets and littleÂ attention span, so maybe this is all a part of how courtship is evolving.â€
Another common issue is the drunk-text. Remember people: â€œdrunk texting does not mean youâ€™re dating.â€
So, are females more empowered within this new dating framework?Â In general, yes. Most claim they have, or would, initiate a romantic situation. But theÂ belief that the dude should make the first move still lingers.Â While women now have the freedom to make the first move, a double standardÂ definitely exists:
– â€œIf it works out, it makes the woman look powerful. She knows what she wants, is brave,Â strong, true to herself and a modern woman! However, if the woman is rejected, itÂ almost looks like she was desperate or patheticâ€¦this isnÊ¼t the case with men.â€
While some bemoan the death of traditional dating, others accept that â€œdating is where itÂ needs to be.â€
In the end, romance isnÊ¼t dead yet, and still exists for those who are patient or luckyÂ enough to find it – and honestly, who needs a formal first date when youÊ¼ve seen his Facebook?