As much as it scares me to say and for you to hear, finals are drawing near. Like the darkness that spreads across the sky at 5 pm, the end of the semester is an ineliminable outcome.
As you sit in your room sulking about how much your calculus exam is worth or complaining about the fact that your biology professor NEVER taught you that, or that your professor give you vague af comments on your essay proposal, why not pick your eyes up from your overpriced textbook and glue them to your phone to read something counterproductive… A Cadre Quiz!
This quiz is designed to show you how well you have been doing on your exam preparation, and give you a sense of how much you have left to do. (While you’re completing this quiz, keep track of all of the numbers you’ve chosen.)
- Where is your textbook right now?
- What Textbook?
- It’s on my desk, I’ll get around to using it eventually.
- On my lap, filled with highlighted passages and post-it notes
- Under my laptop so I can catch up on Stranger Things
- When studying, I like to:
- Not actually study, but pretend that I am.
- Take short breaks every now and then.
- Live, eat and sleep in the stacks and never ever leave.
- Fall asleep watching Orange is The New Black.
- What do you eat when you study?
- Doritos, like I have no money anyway.
- Just my usual diet.
- A Redbull every hour
- Popcorn, at least whenever I’m watching The Office
- Did you go to your review class?
- I don’t go to class most of the time, lmao
- I went to a few, hoping to catch up on the stuff I do not understand
- I know more than the professor at this point.
- I would be missing more episodes of Riverdale if I went.
- What have you done on your paper?
- There’s a paper due? How much is that worth?
- I’ve done some work on it, I have a solid first draft, I just need to do some editing.
- Currently working on my fifth draft and I have all my sources figured out.
- I’ve been meaning to add more Asexual quotes to it.
- How much have you gone to class over the semester?
- I only go to class if it’s worth marks.
- As much as I can. Some days it’s a struggle to go.
- All of them, every class is so important!
- I go, but I end up watching House instead of paying attention.
- During your extra help session, you ask your professor:
- “Is there any way that you can boost my grade?”
- “I don’t understand this concept, how long will it take to learn?”
- “I already know all there is to know, what do I need for a 95%?”
- “What is your favourite season of Parks and Recreation?”
- Your friend asks if they could borrow your notes. You respond:
- “I was going to ask you the same thing.”
- “Sure thing, want to work on it together?”
- “No, you just want to get the same mark as me”
- “Wanna not study, and just watch 13 Reasons Why?”
- You want the marks to be in the:
- Passable range
- A little above average range
- I strive for a 4.3 GPA
- As smart as Sherlock Holmes range
- The most important thing you have is:
- My phone, so I can find somewhere to drink tonight.
- My calculator/thesaurus, so I can work on my homework
- My binders, so I can ace my exams with ease.
- My laptop, so I can watch Bojack Horseman
- Your weekend consists of:
- blacked out, so I don’t want to remember what happened
- Everything in balance: some studying, some socializing
- Studied all day, I fell asleep surrounded by textbooks with my light left on, then I woke up in the morning and studied some more.
- Rewatching my favourite series of Friends over again, even though I finished it five times already.
- Study room sessions consist of:
- Working on the practice quizzes with a friend.
- Notes, notes, notes, notes, and more notes.
- Sharing the computer so we can all watch Arrested Development together
If the majority were 1s, you are very underprepared: The majority of your school work has been spent coasting through the semester. In the future, you will probably be kicking past-self in the ass for this. Update your timeline, and you should survive.
If the majority were 2s, you are on the right track: There is effort to do well on this semester’s exams, put your best foot forward and the work will pay off.
If the majority were 3s, you are over prepared: Your friends are concerned because they’ve seen more of the outside of your textbook than your face. Learn to take your studying in moderation, otherwise, you might burn out before that important paper is due.
If the majority were 4s, you should cancel your Netflix Account: You were able to get that elusive computer screen tan by watching more movies than actually doing work. Although you would fair very well at The Wave trivia, the best course of action would be to end your subscription. That way, you can get your GPA higher than the hours spent watching TV.
By: Iain Burhoe