Feature Friday: “Recovery”

By: Kayla Schut

“Once a free spirit, always a free spirit” she vowed to her friend.  They knotted their pinky fingers together and made an unbreakable vow. United, they would conquer the world- they needed no one else.

***

She thought the world of herself, pride consumed her spirit. She would never allow a boy to tame her, or put her in her place. Instead she would travel and become one with the universe. She knew not what it meant to settle down, or to fall in love with a man. To her, love was the sound of Sylvia Plath’s writings singing from it’s pages and a warm cup of coffee. She longed for adventure and her soul cried out for more.

“No one will ever call me baby,” she scoffed at the idea. “No one will calm my spirit. I am free!” She lived a life filled with cynicism and hatred, yet, she was ignorant to her own negativity. Her mother tried again and again to tame her attitude, but no punishment sufficed. Her father pleaded with her to take a step back, but she rebelled constantly, taking always two steps forward. Her parents remained silent and broken, hoping for someone to bring their daughter out of her pride and negativity.

She walked with confidence, at least on the exterior. Her hair flowed like a lion’s mane. Boys would watch as she paraded around in clothes that highlighted her best features, and she chose not to care. After all, it was not her job to prevent boys from staring, they needed to use their own self control.

She lived her life as a “free spirit,” with only a pinky promise tying her to a friend.

She was content, at least she thought she was, until one day a single boy flipped her world upside down.  He called her beautiful, not hot or sexy, and he complimented her eyes, not her curves.  He spoke to her intelligently not condescendingly, and all of a sudden, that pinky promise seemed ever so irrelevant.  Her walls like Jericho crumbled down and suddenly she transformed from a lion into a lamb.  Her “free spirit” felt naked and bare, and now she longed to be caged by someone who would be gentle and protect her. Her stubborn mind, however, refused to let her be reckless and it stood firm in its beliefs.

“I will not fall in love” she said. “That’s okay” he replied. “Together we can rise.”  And suddenly she felt herself drawing closer to a person who at first she believed to be insignificant. Her barriers weakened as she learned more about life from this man. He never said he loved her, but his actions suggested he might. He let her open the door for herself and said the words she longed to hear. He was patient and kind. He always encouraged her to strive for greatness, and never pressured for perfection.

“I’m a living hell,” she pleaded, “you’re going to get burned.” She wanted him to stay away. She feared the emotions she felt were swelling within her heart.

“I’m a pyromaniac,” he grinned. In that moment she realized that she would never shake this man, so her mind stop resisting, and her heart began to rise, and together they flew to the galaxies beyond. Over time, she let him open the door for her, and she replied, “yes love?” when he said, “baby.” One day at a time this man was allowed to read the pages of her soul and slowly learn her secrets.

“I believe that words are insignificant,” she said, “it’s only actions that matter.”

“Is that why you write?” he smirked. With those words she was shaken to her core as she realized that he had spoken love into her life with every conversation, and that she had grown to love him because of his challenging questions and encouraging words. She realized that both words and actions mattered. So she began to show him that she loved him, through her actions and words. She let him hold her arm when they walked down the stairs, and traded in her mini skirts and makeup for jeans and pretty bows to place in her hair. She could not justify her feelings towards him, logic could not explain it. Yet, she did not fight it, she was tired, and broken, so instead of pushing him away, she let him put her pieces together. She had discovered a newer, deeper love, the love that her spirit had lusted after for so long.

Finally, her spirit matured, and she was at last prepared to settle. Soon he became the greatest part of her, and the place that she called home. As the barriers holding her back faded away, so did the memory of the pinky promise made long ago.

 

Kayla: “I love writing! It’s the best  way to make sense of my emotions and my experiences. It helps me figure out what’s important and what’s not. It’s a great way to vent, but also a great way to just have some fun!”

Wondering how you can be the next student feature? It’s easy!  If you ever have anything you’d like to publish or want advertised all you need to do is shoot me an email (lokenny@upei.ca)

Nervous about putting yourself out there? There’s a solution! Come up with a pen name to use.
At the Cadre your voice matters! I look forward to receiving submission!